28 June 2011

too lazy for anything

I looked weird today, I was wearing two different converses because I couldn't decide. HAHA nobody noticed until like three hours later.
Barry beach was cancelled today and we ended up going down Arman's house, lucky me. It's like 5 minutes away, really rare, because i usually take hours to get anywhere :D So there was Alika, Josie, Arnisa, Me, Lloyd and Arman. We watched this really gross movie called 'Human Centipede' It was just wtf, it was so bad and gross that it was even kinda funny. Somewhere towards the end of the film Lloyd and Arman had the most silly argument ever with Arnisa about whether or not putting up a tent in Blackweir park and staying there overnight is called camping. And then she left, and I felt really awkward because i didn't know what to do and what to say. All the girls ran out after her but I don't really know what to say in situations like these, plus I don't exactly know Arnisa, so I just stayed inside with Lloyd and Arman, It's kinda weird to fight over a thing like that.
awww man, I've been writing this for like three hours. i have so much more to say tho... I'm soo tired. I've been chatting with Sep the whole time >.< He's so cute, I think I kinda like him. But everything's happening so fast, I'm not following it :D  Like I'm a bit confused that's all, but i know that I feel happy which is good. It's like I don't know him at all (if you think about it in general) but then it feels like I do. And that's what confuses me. But you know after the shisha garden thingy, yesterday we ended up holding hands and it felt right. But like my head is shouting at me 'why so fast?'
I'm being weird now ahaha
I can't wait to see the new Harry Potter movie:) But even more I can't wait to go cinema tomorrow with Sep. >.< Aww fuck this i like him. dot dot dot. whatever. I wanna hold his hand. Aw shuush im so stupid aren't I

26 June 2011


I'm having one of those 'lazy sundays' for like the fifth time this week, except today really is a Sunday :D
Anyway. Well, yesterday was Armans birthday and we went to a Mexican restaurant but i was already fullll because i had a XL pizza with my parents. I bought Arman a card (they should really start making something less girly, pinky, blue'ey, and teddy bear'y because it's not like boys don't have birthdays) and I went to his birthday party. Oh meen you wouldn't imagine how hard it was to leave my house. You'd think it's easy but not if you're me. On my way to bus stop I was trying to make up excauses why not to go, and i came up with everything from 'i look ugly today' 'my hair is dirty' to 'there's no point' 'bus is going to be late' and 'i'm cold'.
I'm so annoyed  with myself, why do i always stay home. I mean, I really should've gone to prom, but I made up so many excauses that I actually didn't see any point in going.
Blaaawhh, anyhow, his birthday was fun. There were loads of people. What happened:
-I met three new, awesome people
-Josie didn't know how to flush the water in toilets and so she was being paranoid the whole time.
-um, Arman drunk the most disgusting drink ever, (ketchup, spit, salt, pepper, coke, lemon etc )
-Arnisa came 2 hours late
-Alikas food took ages to cook.
lol, what a list xD sorry it's nothing exciting
Um then we went to a shisha garden and smoked for an hour or so.
Then I realised that I had to go home and Orenta and Sep (I think I spelled these right) were also going. We said goodbye to Arman and walked together down to the Newport Road. They're quite awesome. Orenta is from Lithuania which is cool. She doesn't look or sound it. Um Sep is from... Actually I don't know, but he's cool too. He kept hugging me and booing into my ear >.< I love hugs, people should hug eachother more. Oh haha I remembered something, I kinda fell of the chair in that shisha garden thingy. And this Arab kept asking me questions like 'is this your naturar hair colour?' and 'Do you want to share my shisha with me?' and other creepy stuff. =] creeped me out a bit.
Anyway I got home around 11, and nothing exciting happened. Except well, I was sitting in my bed and there was a massive spider on my leg and everyone was asleep (this was around two o'clock at night) and I kinda screamed. I didn't know what to do so I went outside in my garden for a bit and I thought whether or not I should go back xD So i just went back and crushed in the bed, forgetting about the spider. I bet it was still in my bed, gosh i hope i didn't eat it : D
Camping is off :/ yh sad, but if we were going there would only be like 4 of us..
My blog is annoying me, I can't upload any pictures.
damn i hate you blogspot, i wish i'd never started you. tumblr is so much better.

24 June 2011

jeez im bored to hell

Yes, so hello ( :
I am. Right now bored.
I wanna say hey to my friend Denija, whom had a flight to Paris today ( yes on her own ) and she's scared as hell. I would be too, but she's beautiful in every bloody way and I love her so muchmuch. Looking forward to speaking to you tomorrow, you'll have to tell me everyfuckingthing about everything there is, starting with what socks you're wearing (like we always do when we ran out of topics on skype and it's been hours and hours and we're both exhausted). And. I want to say I wish you all the best and all the luck there is on planet, you can even take mine! And I want to say to my other best friend Tereze, that I love you so so much you sadist, i always literally laugh out loud when I read your emails and I'm so lucky to have you as my friend. You are truly amazing. I'm SO looking forward to seeing you this summer and thank you for not letting me go, cry by the river. I promise we'll go to some shitty town and go to all the weirdest places we can find. And i promise not to run away this time :L (I'm sorry I'm just so emotional to see you girls!!!!! )
Um but yeah, back to my very-so-boring everyday routine. I slept until 2 o'clock today. 2 o'clock!!!!! How unbelievably crazy is that. And I went to sleep at around ten anyway, which would usually mean that I'd be up by 8am. So I was on a fast... Because I thought, gee I don't have anything to do, might as well 'clean' my insides or whatever. And well, that didn't work. My mum made something unbelievably delicious and I couldn't resist.
Tomorrow big plans haha, I will be going shopping. Because the last time I went shopping was... well I don't remember, probably January or something. So I will be buying stuff for summer, tops etc etc. I need to buy something for Peter's nameday and something small for Arman's birthday which is on Saturday. I can never come without a present, I feel so rude. I don't know how others do it : D  Oh yes, and i'm buying lots and lots of films for lomo camera for camping.
Some girl on facebook chat just asked me if i was 'a guy or a girl?' and I was like 'Can't you tell? :D''
yeah anyway, I should probably go to sleep, it's past 2am.

22 June 2011

june june

hey. um i don't know what to say.
1. It's sunny
2. I'm looking for a summer job
3. I stretched my ear to 6mm
4. I stole my brothers 'i blame the parents' shirt
5. I'm so bored i have to watch tv
6. I'm going to watch Simpsons
7. My 'photography portfolio' plan isn't going so well. because all i do is stay at home and act lazy.
8. I have around 600-800 photos (printed off, normal ones and fisheye ones) that need an album
9. I took off my photo wall
10. My room looks very empty, light and nice.
11. I drink too much coke
12. I want to dye my hair pink, but i won't get a job if i do.

So yeah.. that's like the summary of my past couple of days. I'm trying to up-date my blog as often as I can but I'm just so lazy I don't even bother with opening my laptop. I haven't posted anything on my tumblr either.
We're going camping in 8 days. It's gonna be 3 girls and 4 boys, um I think it's me, Josie, Alika, Matthew, Lloyd, Jamal and Arman. Looking forward to that, should be fun.
What else is new.. lol i feel like I'm always saying that xD
i think that's it.

oh I'll be nice and treat you with a photo
OK i won't, phot6o uploader is being nasty and isn't working.

18 June 2011

18.06.2011: me in my previous life

this is me. maybe


OK today is summer and I'm happy.
I woke up, it was pouring outside and I was cold. I went to the bathroom and I washed my teeth. I went downstairs made coffee with milk and took my medicine. I look so pale and ugly, I hate having cold. So I got my laptop and sat in my bed with windows open and I checked out what's there to do. Nobodies doing anything. Well no, people are going Barry Island, and camping on something something July and i think someone is having a party which I'm not so sure I'm gonna go to. Oh Arman's birthday.
Anyway. So today i went to town and gave in my prom dress that I'd bought because I don't want to go.
I came back home, had shower, stretched my ear a little further and watched a movie.
I'm thinking since when am I so disturbed, geez it's like i don't recognise myself at all, I used to be so bloody funny and happy and loud. OK, no I've never been loud, I used to try to be loud like other girls in my school but it never really worked :L
Should I have a sleepover with boys and girls and music and beer? um i don't know I kinda live in St Mellon's, who's gonna come down here? But it could be themed, I'm thinking, thinking. ey i don't know.
Haha yesterday I felt so rubbish and hot, I think you could actually see heat coming from me outside. But i decided to take a little trip to the park at 21.30 in the rain. My mum said i was crazy. uhh yeah maybe i am a little crazy, I mean i was wearing skirt and a tee and it was freezing and raining and all that. By the time I got to the lake i was wet and cold so I just didn't know what to do and I called Batoul and we had the weirdest conversation ever.
me: 'Hey, you're nice'
her: 'You too'
me: 'Im sorry you're leaving'
her: 'Yeahh'
me: 'Im hanging up now'
her: 'Ok *laughs* bye'
ahh, I'm so mean. I don't let Peter play xbox the whole day. haha

17 June 2011


ugh I'm so ill, its kinda hard to breathe in
umm. its a little rainy outside today. i like it
yey, right. i just wanted to say that I've finished all my exams : ) and its kinda weird to think I've got a whole two months of time on my hands where i can just do nothing at all. anyways, I'm looking forward to doing nothing :L
that's it. oh yeah I'm sorry i don't blog regularly, its just in June it always happens, I'm just tired and i need some 'i've got nothing to do' time.
ok then. bye.

14 June 2011


home alone and scared of ghosts. geez this is so stupid xD

I've had a long day and I'm tired and.. nope. not tired at all. I am home by myself and I'm gonna sleep in my parents bedroom, because i like it because its so much better. my room is stuffed with photos and my eyes are tired. its also kinda messy.
Went to the London today, my parents stayed in a hotel there and i went back to Cardiff on my own. I fell asleep on the bus curled around my bag. Oh i finished one topic of geography on the bus. yey, two more to go.
I don't like London, Cardiff is much nicer. cant believe I'm saying it. I don't get people who want to take pictures in Hyde park by the statues. THEY'RE JUST STATUES PEOPLE!!! Ok this was more like addressed to my parents, because I was being really nice today and i took many pictures of them standing by the statues. I was like 'geez this is gonna be a boring photo'  but as long as i keep them happy, ill do anything.
i might go lie on the ground outside because its clear sky and there are stars. And my throat is sore, : ( not that it's relevant :L

oh meen, i cant believe i almost posted that stupid video of me going to the kitchen through the house. its so unbelievably stupid hah, ok. im so glad i didnt post it

10 June 2011

Sorry i haven't posted in so long.
Like... I have no energy and I just can't write anything.
I was so tired that after my FINAL maths exam today, i came back home had tea, did some shit and I just collapsed on the bed and slept for three and half hours, straight. And I'm going to sleep now again.
aw gee so tired...
I only have one exam left, geography. Thats next week, on Friday.
What else is new... I'm supposed to be writing up answers for some Latvian teenage magazine about living in UK. I kinda have to make something up because its actually so shit and depressing that if i write the truth nobody's gonna even read it.
mmm... Oh going to London on Monday with ma parents. They're straying there overnight in a hotel but I'm gonna come back Monday night. So I'll have the whole house to myself that night.
I'm so tired.
I'm want to write some music this summer... Its just, my guitar's kinda out of tune. And I'm so stupid that I can't even tune it.
nobodies here
I'm crazy.
My mum saw a ghost when she was 12! I wish I could see one. HELLO!! Come to my house and we can have some fun riding the lamp's and running on the ceiling and disappearing in the walls. Though I do have to die first, laugh laugh


Every single day

I wake up to sunrise
Get my coffee and my cigarette
Wrapped up in my warmest jumper, I sit in the cold

Looking at the shapes of the steam of my coffee
They’re so nice and unique, each time

It’s so hard
I wonder if anybody else feels the same way.
But I quit trying such long time ago,
And since then I’ve been kinda invisible
With my bright bright hair, I feel no different,
I slide through the hallways
Feeling tired, lightheaded, heavyhearted,
I’m sure the walls will remember me.

Ohhhh how I miss those times,
When I could laugh so carelessly
But I’ve quit trying
And now I finally blend in
With the plain white walls and
and the dark empty hallways.