24 August 2012


Just ignore this post if your not interested in my imagemaking (:
(the festival photos will be up soon, I just didn't want to completely stuff my blog with photos. Also sorry so sorry theres so much of me in the post :p )


Literally had the biggest freak out moment last night. Well, me and Peter stayed up watching films till 1am, and then he went to sleep, so I stayed downstairs tidied up, had a ciggie and i was gone. I couldn't fall asleep so I kept twitching and turning in my bed. And then. Suddenly, as I turned form lying on my back to my left side, I felt this little lump go from my right armpit down right into my.. breast. I was trying to find the lump then but I couldn't. Anyway it hurt as well. What the fuck? I actually started crying, that freaked me out so much. I ran downstairs to get my laptop and stayed up till 3am googling breast cancer early signs and symptoms. I had that lump there before, a couple of months ago and it hurt a lot, but i didn't see a doctor or anything. Apparently there is only a 0.5% chance of getting a breast cancer under the age of 20, but I matched two symptoms.  Plus I don't know it this one's a symptom but it said 'loss of appetite &weight loss' and my mum commented yesterday that I look like I've lost weight in the last week. I don't know is thats because I didn't eat much at the festival or because its a symptom? Well, I woke up at 11 this morning which was too late to book a doctors appointment, so I guess I'll just do it one Monday.

On a more positive note, It's 4pm, and I woke up at 2. 2!!!! What? I usually wake up around 10, no matter what time I go to bed. So yeah, this day has been running. I'm just in bed reading right now. Also, my hair is dip dyed a light lavender colour. And my fringe. 
God, i really need to do something! I'm running out of things to do in this house. I might go volunteering tomorrow.
Oh also also... Can you SMELL the autumn?! It's amazing, I can smell it and feel it and it's getting colder! I'm so happy, I don't like summer very much, it's boring and hot. 
I forgot to mention anything on my blog about my A level results! They're okay, I got BCBB! Film, Media and Photography are B's and Art is a C. I'm quite happy, but I am SO pushing myself in photography this year. Watch me.

And While I'm at it, I'll post some photos form the band shoot a did a little while ago and also Louise's shoot. 

22 August 2012

dry dry dry, inside of me.


Once again I don't remember where to start writing form... Okay well. I'll start with what I can remember because you can't do better than that can you! So this past weekend me and my dear friend Josie went to Greenman festival about an hour drive from Cardiff with truly great music such as Feist, Ghostpoet, Daughter, King Charles, TuNe YaRdS and others! I'll post some youtube tunes that played there underneath. We were there from late Thursday till Monday morning. On thursday we got wasted and ran around exploring the fields and all the other festive things. Oh we put up a tent! Of course with help of our friendly neighbors who lent us some of their poles to secure the tent down (she didn't check everything was in her tent bag!) haha, all was well. There was NO space in the tent once we put the mattresses and bags inside, like literally we couldn't move. Well anyway on Friday and Saturday we were pretty much high and gone. This must sound awful!Well, I was fag gone, in my 'high' mood... Which is pretty much me being all to myself, exploring every sound and move with my eyes, mouth too dry to make any noise, eyes too heavy to keep open. So on friday, I lied in the muddy grass dreaming away, while Josephine wasn't high at all.. I'm sure that must have been annoying for her. I was far far away, literally. And on Saturday we stayed up till four, and I felt as drugged as I ever have before, when we went to Chai Wallahs DJ tent. We danced like robots with only so many moves lying within out knowledge, because we were swaying in the middle of a crowd of people going crazy, and my eyes kept shutting and so I kept wandering off in my head and dancing practically with my arms and hands. Anyway on sunday all the green and alcohol was gone so we were very good (except that odd puff). The food there was so expensive but very very good.  On sunday I was starving because all my food was long gone and I wanted to save money. Luckily, I got one meal for free (don't know how?) and then i ripped a zipper for one of the dresses I was trying on the girl gave it to me as a present! Great haha. Well on sunday, Josie was like literally dead, she had 2 naps while I was wandering around, listening to music and exploring the lands with my camera. The line up on Sunday was amazing. The Daughter, Feist and Walkmen all played! Jo went to sleep before 12, so I finished listening to feist, got a hot chocolate and went to the cinema tent and watched a horror (literally made in 18th century) about the devil and the nazis, and I was super lucky i wasn't high, would have gotten such bad trips. I watched the fireworks on my own, which was enjoyable I really do enjoy my own company (no sarcasm here okay) and then went to toilets and had like a million cigarettes on my way back to the tent.
On sunday night I couldn't fall asleep because everything stank of damp and I lied there listening to people being drunk. So I was extremely happy to be home on Monday! I just lied on the bed watching films, even though somehow i had lots of energy left, weirdly. 
Thats about the festival, um, what else? Before that, the highlight in my mind was one of my photographs being published in a tiny online magazine, called 'Nameless Rebellion Magazine' and well, that was nice :) 
Also, Rosies birthday about two weeks ago, was at Louise's house, where. Well everyone got very wasted and all I remember is Louise throwing up, me not being able to move, lying on the floor and thinking my legs were rotting. Cool isn't it. I wrote a poem about it as well haha, hang on, I'll type it up in a sec. 
What else... I've got a slightly odd bump in my armpit? I need to go to see a doctor, because the other day, I was on the bus and literally my left armpit, arm, ribs and shoulder were all in pain. It's odd because it keeps disappearing all the time and sometimes it even floats to the other side (like the other armpit) so yeah. Okay, well I'm going to go now, but I'll post pictures! And some of the things I've written on little peaces of paper when im on the go (: This first one was the one I wrote at louise's party. I don't know /remember what I was feeling but this doesn't sound particularly good. I also woke up at 7am that day and left before every had woken up which is really quite rude, but I couldn't take waiting for everyone to wake up at 12. 
As the world is burning down,
My skin is rotting all on its own,
Digging a grave,
To bury your fingers and toes.

As the ashes burn to blood,
We're still bathing in the remains,
Of rats and evils and murderous creeps, 
Still walking, walking,
Down those never ending stairs.

Strangled by the hands of our evil,
As dark as the coal,
We're tangled,
In lies growing onto us,
They take over our soul,
Stone us into the ground,
Leave red roses on the soil,
Fresh as our ruined bodies,
Marking blood of its own demise,
And the sorrow of our rotting hearts.

And this one I wrote  just yesterday on the bus, I guess it's about me and a little loneliness but I don't want to say I'm lonely, no no.

No one to be thinking of,
No there's no you for me,
No one thinking of me,
No fish in the water,
Perhaps you're deep in the sea,
So too very deep.

The edges of my dreams become blurry,
And I don't know what I want,
I don't know what I need,
I'm unsure, I won't ever show you
The wishes inside of me deep.

This is my ride to town,
Sitting on a high end seat,
Feeling heavy under all this weight,
Shadows become stones and lie their hands upon me,
Oh I think I'm late again,
No tracks, no lines no signs,
To lead the right way there,
Way deep into the ocean,
Way deep in the water,
I'm swimming with the dolphins,
Hiding too far, and too very deep. 

Okay I'm actually too tired to upload pictures, but come one here tomorrow, I promise the rest will be up!