21 November 2012

A waste of sleep

Heya guys,
I am really extremely tired, as I've been going to bed at about 2/3 am every day for no apparent reason, staying out till about 10pm and then waking up again at 6.30. Kills me, truly does.
Today morning I was allowed to stay in bed for longer because I have the morning off at college and so I spent all my early hours listening to the sound of Bowie and the rain against my window, cuddled up with a mug of coffee and I did some photography work in my book.
I have been spending all my time outside home, in college and either filming for media, going on photoshoots or being with Ewan. I have spent so so so much time with him in the past 3 weeks, it's crazy but I still miss him all the time (hopefully he wont see this, because I wouldn't want him to know). We've been having endless movie nights with wine and cuddles, going out for coffees, cinema, walks, talks, and out to gigs. I've met his family and they're all great. His mum is an artist and his dad plays every instrument known. I've also met his little metalhead brothers, his friends and his awesome skinhead ex  girlfriend Lucy. I met his daughter Jaynie as well, who he babysits around twice a week. Now, you'd think that at 17, It would be so extremely weird and scary and unsettling to be seeing a guy with a daughter, but since he is 21 and his ex is also the same age, I don't think it's immature at all like I first thought. And his little girl is amazing, so cute. 5 months old little bubble aw. He loves her so much too.
On Friday we went to Fuel and this other place to listen to some music and then we left and I stayed down his house which is like literally in town haha! We stayed up till 4am watching films (and here he does this really annoying thing where he doesn't look at the tv but he stares at me o_o). So anyway, I woke up on Saturday morning to the most amazing feeling, wrapped in his arms him stroking my back. It was nice haha. I was allowed to have a lay in and we stayed in bed for ages trying to ease our hangovers. I went home around 12 and I was originally going to have my first day of -not doing anything- but I just couldn't help but get out my camera on this really sunny (too sunny if you ask me) November Saturday and phone up Louise. So we did a photoshoot later when it was dark, and I was quite pleased with the results, even though I only did about 100 photos. We got high on our way back and that is probably why I couldn't sleep till 3am again haha.
On Sunday  me and Louise did another photoshoot in Penarth which was really good, so much fun! I did filming for our media music video as well. We were down the Penarth beach in this isolated patch by a high cliff, past the huge rocks in PITCH  DARK! It was so scary because this man came our direction and sat down on this rock around 100 metres from us. I was shitting my pants man! I went to Ewans house again after we were done and afterwards when we were waiting for my bus he said things that made me feel scared and I went mad. Like an asshole (me not him). I was in one of those low low spirits where everything seemed like a waste and crushing into my face and I didn't know what the hell I was doing. 
Me and Josie talked lots yesterday on the phone and we met up for coffee on Sunday as well which was so nice, I feel like we've partly stitched ourselves back together if that makes sense. Not all the way but all the artificiality has disappeared and it feels much more natural.
Also! I got a job at Menkind, which is amazing because I can finally quit mcdonalds! Whoo. I have work experience in Buzz magazine next week though, so I'll have to let them know. It's crazy I can't wait for it! Im stressed anyway, I have so much work to do, the whole applying to uni deal is driving me out of my mind, everyone has already applied and are getting offers. I'm sending mine off tomorrow so fingers crossed I'll be in London or Brighton in September:L.

Anyway, I am actually glad that barely anyone I know reads this blog, I feel like I'm still keeping secrets from the world still. I don't want to be an open book, but I guess I am a little on here.

This is for my art project.

Beautiful Josey for media music video filming.

 Thats over Matts. And I don't actually remember standing in front of his mirror taking a photo! Thats why you should seee it. Because I have the most stupid face ever.

Ridiculously happy Matt


This is the only photograph I have of Ewan- his hair isn't normally like that. That was my work:L

Here are some of me just now, sorry to trash this with my face but It's 2am, and I literally can't go to sleep so I had to do sumfing.

Louise from Saturday (sorry my blog just run out of image spaces, so I cant upload any more at the moment!)

01 November 2012

Blur of time

(Picture form Turkey- I didn't know what photographs I wanted to post so this is what you get..)

I don't know how I'm still getting views on this blog? Haven't posted since August because life has been too... Lifey. I guess it's time because 1st of November seems like a good day to make a little entry.
So this won't be one of those posts  where I beautifully try and explain every detail of what has happened because there has been too much happening and it might get a little hard to write it all in this little meaningless blog which people shouldn't read as it doesn't educate them or entertain them. So let me begin (I feel like some kind of superhero at this point!)

September was pretty boring, just me shaping different ideas and morals in my head, falling in love a little and falling out of love and all that bullshit. I had a crush on so many people it's unbelievable, probably because I haven't been in a relationship since for-ever. Whatever. Guess it was because I haven't actually liked anyone for years and now it's like BHAM I like this and that and humanity is just beautiful, I want to be everyones friend and lover and be everywhere at the same time. While at the same time I just want to be locked in my own room, hiding under duvet covers.
I used about 5 rolls of film on taking pictures of unimportant average days and people which I cannot see because it's too damn expensive to develop them and print them. What else. I went out a couple of times to Bogiez with Pippa, and the Full Moon Club with Jos, and I'm pretty sure we went to the pub a couple of times. Thats it, lovely. Like I said I had such a crush on this boy, but he didn't make a move. I was a little high in my media class and he sat by me and I remember I could just feel particles becoming tenser and tenser, and there was such tension in the air. It's stupid how he liked me too, but nothing ever happened because life is shit like that sometimes.

Okay so the begging of October I went on a holiday to Turkey, which was really nice but it lacked adventure and exploring so much! Everyone is too lazy to do things I swear. I feel like I should find a soul-mate who will travel everywhere with me, find new places go on everlong adventures and whatnot. Anyway apart form my unfulfilled wishes and daydreams, Turkey was genuinely nice. Nice streets, nice hotel, nice pool, nice seaside, awful men, nice shops, nice hotel room. It was also nice that we got unlimited alcoholic and non alcoholic drinks anywhere. Met a couple of photographers on the way too, one of them which I hated as he asked me to come down to the beach later he can photograph me. Ive seen his photos too, half naked, baked ladies laying in the beach. What?! I said no, and no, but It was awkward because for the rest of the holiday I always had to walk past his booth to get to the canteen or the pool or anywhere else for that matter. 
Middle October I went to Bogiez with Pippa. We moshed so much I couldn't hold my head properly. I don't know if I'm self destructive but I felt like I wanted to get in the middle of a mosh pit and get my face wrecked into pieces haha. Okay well you know, not really. I think it was the antitoxins. Anyway I met this guy who asked my number.
Saturday 13th  was Matts birthday (he's Pippas boyfriend) and everyone gathered in his little dark flat doing all sorts of intoxicating things. I once again had that sad kind of high where I sat looking at everyone. The guy was there. He kept trying to speak to me but the most I could do was half smile to everything he said. Anyway he was an asshole anyway taking by the things he said after I left, which all involved some kind of form of fucking, me or just in general. Maybe it was the magical mushroom. I don't know. So I'm glad I left. 

Halloween was fine, I went to the pub crawl. And realized some things and I lost some things but I wouldn't cry because I don't want to and because, really I think it's all for the good! I don't feel sorry for myself at all. Everyone gets bored of everyone eventually, it had to happen. 
So on this sad Thursday you'd call a post halloween hangover day, I am sitting in my own room and working on this little art project of mine. Making a house out of a box haha. See you soon.