27 May 2011


i woke up at 7 because of a huge wasp in my room. i don't think it was a wasp tho because it was way way bigger. i ran out and woke up my parents and when my mum checked my room, it was gone, soooo strange.
i went to sleep and woke up at 12 and I'm still tired.
Well basically today i've been hanging in by bedroom, doing maths work and playing guitar and editing the stuff that I've written and trying to make a song, haha. righhty. well its alright but the lyrics are really weird, giggle. they're about creepy horses in my room and other silly things like, well I'll quote ''ripping off my skin'' and ''dark, dark, dark, dark, here comes my darling''

HA all house to myself. But to be honest i plan on studying maths the whole day, because in 3 hours i only did 3 topics out of the 12 I planned on doing today.
Anyways. You know i hate that half and hour in bed, every night before I fall asleep. Its the half an hour when i am being honest to myself and when the truth, that i may have not seen through the day, reveals. And i hate it because it makes me cry. Well sometimes it does. Like Wednesday, on the day of presentation evening. I kinda wanted to cry right before the presentation evening too but i put on a brave face because i didn't want to make my mum sad. yaa that's life. But u know what makes those evening better? The fact that I can write a draft on my phone and when I'm writing i stop crying, so that's good.
Shitty my battery is dead and i cant turn on my phone. i really need to...
Batoul is moving to Splott TODAY!! :O shockedface
And... She's moving to London after exams. That is saddest thing ever...

23 May 2011


I hate how blogger doesn't have a 'dashboard' written when your blog is open, its kinda annoying because you have to press 'new post' and only then dashboard.
I complain a lot, don't I...
I hate how i used to be so bother about school and getting good grades couple of years ago, and you know, even last year but now when i should be bothered the most, I'm seriously not bothered. I barely do ANY studying.
I had a nightmare about my mum last night, I saw her getting drunk (Its weird because I have never in my whole life seen her drunk) and leaving me. She said she hated me. And I woke up this morning and I looked all around my house looking for my mum and brother or anyone and how no one was there, and I almost started crying, when I remembered it's Monday and they're all gone. Oh i just really wanted to talk to someone but my mum didn't answer her phone.
I've been having a lot of 'mental' nightmares lately. I saw a talking horses head in a dark, shadowy room the other night. I cant remember now exactly what else I saw but I remember there were sweaty Chinese men doing joga. Ooh yes and I also saw telling my mum about the horse in her room but she didn't believe me and I found myself (it's still the dream you guys) holding my green 'friendship' t-shirt and shaking it and shouting at it 'why don't you understand' or something like that. There were like other million things in my dream but I cant remember what. I think I also saw two boys from out school and it gave me creeps. My nightmares and even dreams are always messed up, you know all over the place. One second your in one place and then second later you are in a totally different place.Bloody hell, it was weird. Also the stupid thing is that I was only taking a nap, and I woke up and I felt like I knew how it feels to be mental. Literally. I was covered in sweat so I took a shower and it made me feel a bit better. You know I wrote lyrics (just words more like, i hate calling the stuff i write poetry or lyrics because i feel like its neither)  about the nightmare i had, and i might edit it and rewrite it a bit and put it on here.
If we're talking about nightmares, a week ago I saw myself by a pretty lake and i was drawing it and then this motorcycle came by and the guy wanted to rape me but then suddenly a van appeared and a boy in it saved me. And the next moment after getting in the van, i fins myself in a living room drinking tea but it all feels wrong.
anyway I didn't even mean to write all this, haha. ok.
I'm planning to go to school today at lunch.

p.s. my new haircut :p

sorry for my weird face expressions, i just couldnt be bothered to make a pretty face. Just to let you know, I cut the lenghth myself because the hairdresser cut way too less than she should've. yes i knwo what your thinking, 'who cuts their hair after going to a hairdresser?' 

21 May 2011


hey good morning on this beautiful day!
It's morning and I'm sitting in bed, listening to Arcade Fire- Wake Up. And reading a book.
''But now that I'm older,
my heart's colder,''
-arcade fire- wake up-
I have some good news. I'm getting a haircut today! Finlay! the last time I had my haircut was... in September. I have presentation evening on Wednesday so I have to look fresh >.<
mm, what else... I had drama exam on Friday- yesterday- and it went OK. It was so sad watching other people stress and cry. A girl in our group started crying in agony and she couldn't breathe ;[ To make you feel better crying people, my exam was shit too. A poopoo, I did quite bad. But well I've always been bad at drama, I didn't expect to do very well.
What else. I had french: reading and listening and English paper 1 on Monday, that all went OK. I think I passed. And I also had an English Paper 2 on Wednesday. That went... hmm bad?
Anyway I have also got another pair of good news. My Religious Studies exam is in June and not on Monday! I feel sorry for people who have full course RE on Monday, I seriously don't understand how school can be so irresponsible!
I was watching 'Paramore' video of signing stuff for their fans and I hear Hayley say 'you look like my friend Bethany from 'Best Coast' '' and I was like : WHAT?! You guys know each other?'' :D hah it was funny. I like them both I think they're both beautiful and original and both of them create amazing music.

12 May 2011

hah today

Today has been weirdly lovely.
At Lunch I went and sat by river on my own listening to 'Best Coast' and 'Eyes set to kill' and i wrote some lyric's/poems in my maths book. It was raining and I was smoking and it was bloody freezing. My hands felt cold and I couldn't move my pen anymore. Then I came back to school and met Jo and Batoul in the library and so we decided to go lie in the school field instead of going to our stupid welsh lesson. I'm kind of lazy to write but well we ended up sitting in the rain on a bench wet to the skin. That is when we decided to go back inside and that is when a teacher found us and made us all go back to lesson. It was very embarrassing but well what can i say. Batoul has bad influence on me although I was the one that suggested to go to the field. I'm very VERY surprised they agreed because it was raining and cold, and it's very rebellious.
I am now sitting in my non-Welsh lesson and I have English next. YAY me.

03 May 2011

dear shit

This is how I've been last couple of weeks. pictures are way too positive for the two weeks i lived through. never mind. I'm over it. I so much happier now, I'm listening to the 'Best Coast' i randomly found them on the youtube. they are yummy, lifts my mood up like UP THERE. 
I have to start carrying paracetamol with me everywhere, because today i almost died of headache. jeez. I hate school please time go faster i want to get it over and done with. I'm so awkward. Why why why. 
I have pictures with me and batoul but she didn't want them posted sadly, because she looked beautiful in them. 

02 May 2011

i was going to write something long, but my mood just left.
holidays are annoying, i don't know what i will do throughout the summer holidays while everyone will be with their friends, going down the seaside. I think I'll go to a different seaside on my own. I don't mind. I doubt it my friends from Latvia will visit because well, they have their own lives to get on with. Denija will be living the dream of her life, she's a model. She might go to Paris or Milan, or New York. I will go to the seaside on my own. Oh I'm really really happy for her. I remember saying to her: 'one day you'll be a model' and there you go. It's happening.
I need to study or I'll end up as a poor girl living in an old old loft and working in a cafe. Lovely. Actually i don't mind. Do i still have to go to school?
Stay Strong and study hard and listen to ac dc.