23 May 2011

23.05.2011

I hate how blogger doesn't have a 'dashboard' written when your blog is open, its kinda annoying because you have to press 'new post' and only then dashboard.
I complain a lot, don't I...
I hate how i used to be so bother about school and getting good grades couple of years ago, and you know, even last year but now when i should be bothered the most, I'm seriously not bothered. I barely do ANY studying.
I had a nightmare about my mum last night, I saw her getting drunk (Its weird because I have never in my whole life seen her drunk) and leaving me. She said she hated me. And I woke up this morning and I looked all around my house looking for my mum and brother or anyone and how no one was there, and I almost started crying, when I remembered it's Monday and they're all gone. Oh i just really wanted to talk to someone but my mum didn't answer her phone.
I've been having a lot of 'mental' nightmares lately. I saw a talking horses head in a dark, shadowy room the other night. I cant remember now exactly what else I saw but I remember there were sweaty Chinese men doing joga. Ooh yes and I also saw telling my mum about the horse in her room but she didn't believe me and I found myself (it's still the dream you guys) holding my green 'friendship' t-shirt and shaking it and shouting at it 'why don't you understand' or something like that. There were like other million things in my dream but I cant remember what. I think I also saw two boys from out school and it gave me creeps. My nightmares and even dreams are always messed up, you know all over the place. One second your in one place and then second later you are in a totally different place.Bloody hell, it was weird. Also the stupid thing is that I was only taking a nap, and I woke up and I felt like I knew how it feels to be mental. Literally. I was covered in sweat so I took a shower and it made me feel a bit better. You know I wrote lyrics (just words more like, i hate calling the stuff i write poetry or lyrics because i feel like its neither)  about the nightmare i had, and i might edit it and rewrite it a bit and put it on here.
If we're talking about nightmares, a week ago I saw myself by a pretty lake and i was drawing it and then this motorcycle came by and the guy wanted to rape me but then suddenly a van appeared and a boy in it saved me. And the next moment after getting in the van, i fins myself in a living room drinking tea but it all feels wrong.
anyway I didn't even mean to write all this, haha. ok.
I'm planning to go to school today at lunch.
 bye.

p.s. my new haircut :p

sorry for my weird face expressions, i just couldnt be bothered to make a pretty face. Just to let you know, I cut the lenghth myself because the hairdresser cut way too less than she should've. yes i knwo what your thinking, 'who cuts their hair after going to a hairdresser?' 

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