today is today, tomorrow is irrelevant.

Hi.

     Soooo... I'm fine, I've been very busy, but sometimes I wonder back on my day and think what I've been busy with... Some days I wake up and think I'll do lots of things and then forget and procrastinate, eat and go for a coffee and read and stare out the window or at the wall. (this one evening i was so frustrated with my dissertation that without thinking I walked over to the bathroom with my scissors and cut my hair short... This, you could call extreme procrastination...)

     Today I woke, ate breakfast, smoked a cigarette on the lovely balcony of the flat I'm living in at the moment  in Homerton (I live with a woman and her 17-year-old daughter ) It was super foggy and eerie so it was perfect for indulging myself in books and art for the day. By 12pm I actually started doing work but then my room was too distracting, so I went to a coffee / bar right by my house where I finally could do some reading there. Finally this evening I got my thoughts together and made some coherent decisions on where my dissertation is going and it actually connects with my project. It will be about beauty, about its construct, its pleasure and its labour. Here is something I wrote today...

Beauty... She is everywhere, haunting us in our daydreams and in our nightmares. She is on TV and in magazines and in the books we read and imagine. We love her and admire her and we want to be her. 'Don't you want to be me? I don't want to be you'  (Manifesta, 102) she echoes in our minds. She wants to be wanted, she seduces us, but (often?) she embodies  the two dimensional image. She is found in the context of the page, the screen or the imaginary. When beauty moves outside of this realm into reality she is experienced passively through a distance. 

       Beauty is a bit of a taboo... That'ss exactly why I want to write about it. It is a taboo exactly because no one wants to talk about it, perhaps because it seems shallow or vain to be thinking about beauty when there are issues that are much more important or problematic out there. But this is a sort of day to day kind of idea, that brings us both pleasure and pain. We all put effort into looking good thorough shaving, putting make up on etc and I can imagine after a while of doing it it can become unbearable...

       So last week I was diagnosed dyslexic... Ha! I don't really think I am, but anyway I guess it's better to know about it and to acknowledge your traits. I don't know.. Somehow these days I'm finding my mind is chaotic, all over the place. Then here, then there and nowhere at all.

         I went to a party at a theatre in the Grand in Clapham Junction this weekend with the girls and Emre, we had a laugh but we got very high and so I lost my olympus xa2 camera and left my phone there... Typical. After the party and a shitty afterparty I came home, and slept for a few hours. (at this poiny i was feeling quite.. lonely?) That day I had work which was fun, we got drunk and afterwards me a few peeps from work went to this guy Adam's place round the corner. He is about 45 years old, or so, and we had a great big discussion slash argument about feminism... Not that I wanted to convince him or oppress my opinions, but because he had made some pretty stupid points that made me angry. Had to cycle home in the middle of a night, drunk and high through a fog then got home and passed out in my bed with all my clothes on, all the glitter and woke up 5 minutes before my shift!

       Its pathetic but I feel a bit lonely. I think I need sex? I don't know... I was going to actually put some effort in boys when we went out on Friday, but I totally forgot about it, and just had fun without flirting etc. And. in any case I'm not allowed to bring boys over to my house. Haha! So looks like its going to be a sexually uneventful year for me... Actually, I need to quit thinking so pessimistically, okay fine. 

p.s. have not shaved my armpits for about over a month! yey, feels great I actually kind of like my hairs :))

p.s.s i just spilt red wine on the lovely white carpet :((((( nooooo what is life at 12am in the morning....
Bye.

QUEER Photography

Hello darlings

It is 1 am and I am sat in my room for the last night. Tomorrow me and Sophie are swapping rooms. I know it's bigger but my room feels like truly my room. It'll take months before its homey.

Yesterday was a good day. I had uni in the morning and later around 4pm a shoot with a Creative Fashion student from LCF. It was fun considering it was a studio shoot. 

I usually hate studios, but you just need an interesting subject!

It's a shoot which shows a progression in a gender transformation,  though cross dressing. 

I have developed a love for boys in dresses and sexy underwear. 

It's so fun! I think I might keep photographing in this theme, use the studios (and get better at them!) and do a new boy every week. Or girl maybe.

Today I had an interview for Arts Temps, which went well. And then I edited all evening in uni.

Then I cooked

Then sat and had a cigarette with Sophie

She made a cons against boys list

Now I will some another cigarette and probably

go to sleep.

Enjoy the pictures,

I'll post soon x

Behind the sceeene

Have a great weekend,

Agnese x

First week of hometime

This day has started well, with my massive 128GB SDXC card arriving on time. I was worries Amazon are going to mess up and I was going to get my order days after it's meant to come. After all, that is the luck I can expect, especially when you need it the most. I'm excited about today. A couple of days ago Ali, manager from Snappy Snaps called my up and asked if I could take  pictures at a Turkish wedding! Not my ideal photography job, but it's only for six hours, and pays quite nicely cash on hand, considering I've never done paid photography work. Gosh, I hope this doesn't trap me with wedding photography forever, that is my one big fear. 
What else is new. My uni starts tomorrow, we're doing a briefing lecture. I should have really started jotting down ideas for our new project 'Personal Manifesto', which is very very broad and can be anything. But it has to have some kind of a meaning. I struggle with this, but I'm sure I can get into it and actually maybe start getting myself into that conceptual photography mindset, after all I'm stuck with it for three years! 
On Friday I finally went to a photography repair shop in Soho, to check how much it'd be to fix my lovely Canon a1 manual camera. It's such a great camera, I only paid £100 pounds for it but I have a feeling to fix it would be very expensive. I have to ring back tomorrow and they'll tell me the price.
Oh, Steff moved out! Incredible news, she actually moved out. Me and Sofie were sat in the living room, having dinner while steff loaded all of her stuff out of the house. Obviously it had to be dramatic. She had pulled out all the draws in her room and chucked them across the floor, the closet was in the middle of the room and the clothes rail was upside down. Still nothing beats how happy we all were. I've decorated the living room as well, it looks a little nicer than before, we just need to wash the dishes, oh there are so many and it's disgusting. On Friday me Esmee, Sofi and Robyn and two other boys had a little celebration, we had so much fun dancing downstairs. I took lots of photos  on my camera which I'll upload in another post. All these photos are from my Samsung phone. I've found an amazing app, Fotor I would really recommend it, it's all you want from an editing tool! So mostly the photos are from around the New Cross I've taken, and the house and some of myself and other people. Enjoy ma lovelies!

Have a lovely day,

I'll Post Soon,

Cherry