Dark in my eyes

Its nearly 3am and I can't sleep. My stomach hurts. It hurts a lot and its so annoying.. I really don't know what I should say on here today, because I have so much to say but nothing at all at the same time.
I can hear rain outside, its so lovely.

I don't want to talk about New Years somehow. 

I looked in the mirror just before I left to meet Josephine on the 31st of December and my hair was big, my eyebrows drawn in, my lips were dark and eyes dark also. I don't think I looked like myself at all. Where did I leave myself behind and step into this other person? Sorry I'm just bullshiting. I'm feeling very nostalgic right now. I feel like I've skipped 2 years forward. Also I feel like life is short and it's wasting away. We all want it to be better be it doesn't get any better than we make it ourselves. 

I really don't know where I'm going to be in 3 years, gosh I'd love to see myself in 3 years. everything will be different. The future me will have hopefully left my old self behind because I don't want her to feel what I feel right now. Its not logical. Sometimes I wish I could tell someone. Though I promise I'm not going to mention this ever again.
Have a lovely year (: