Deep down, burried in a grave yard

It is possible that the two past weeks I've had are the two worst weeks of my life. There aren't events or actions or even reasons behind it. It's just my thoughts. They get so deep at times that I hate it, I bloody hate it. At those times I think, I wish I could just think silly, like... Point at a woman with odd hair and laugh at her, or secretly giggle at someone on the bus when their ass shows when they're standing up.It's usually when I'm smoking at night, with my window open, wind brushing past my cheeks and through my hair, my hands freezing from the cold air of January.Looking out into the dark, past the naked trees in the distance. It usually those times when I start thinking about the meaning of life, the meaning of the things we say throughout our lives and that they don't make any difference. The people we meet, the things we learn, our actions, our thoughts, at the end we're all going to die and none of us will remain, none will remember us. We will only exist on the grave stones(not sure how you call them) in the grave yards. I think of the way I'm going to die and how it would feel. Mostly when I think of death I think of eternal blackness and pain. I wonder then, if I'd die if I accidentally slipped and fell out of my window, would I die? And what would happen  then? How easy it is to kill yourself, one little step and you're out. Living, however, is harder. 
I think I should join a support group,I think I might be a tiny bit disturbed. 
Anyhow, today was a blur, I can't remember most of the conversations I had or things I laughed at or the strangers who passed by. I had media and film studies. After school I read 'Before I Die' on the bus, a pretty sad book about a girl who has cancer. I was really exausted and my legs were about to give up by the time I got home, because my appetite's been pretty awful lately. So as soon as I got home, I lied down on the sofa with a blanket and tea, and watched 'The Reader' which was also... very sad. 
Tomorrow I have Photography till 12, and I'm going to do some work till about one, them I'm meeting Josie at the rec and we're going to go to Albany Road to browse some charity shops, because there are loads of those on Albany Road. On Friday I'm skipping all my lessons because our art teacher asked us all to come in on Friday to do a whole day of art, which makes sense because our final project is getting closer.
Next thursday our photography group is going to a photography exhibition in Penarth, which should be interesting. Oh yeah, I'm going to go to another art exhibition tomorrow in College of Art and Design, as it's like five minutes away from our college, it should be interesting. I don't know who I'm going with, some girls from our Photography group might want to come along, but if not, I'll go anyway.
Last news- I joined  our college newspaper, in which people are offered to do blog entries, music, film or art reviews, which should be fun. Meeting's on Tuesday, sounds interesting.
Alright, I'm going to go... I've got some painting to do, and also some  sticking in and analyzing if I have enough time. 
I don't know if this post needed photos with it...
Well OK, I have two.
p.s. My hair isn't blue, my web camera's just being odd.