brand new

It's 00.30 and I feel just a little fucking sad. I'm listening to some really sad piano shit and its making me tear up a bit and think why am I even here? I just wanted to message some one who used to be important  to me a long time ago, but I know they've moved on and perhaps I don't even exist in their memory any more. And so I stopped writing, erased my message and turned that music down and decided to never write again. That may seem sad but I think It's easier that way anyway. I'm texting with Josey about how amazing it would be to run away, maybe France, maybe Italy. Anywhere but here, in this bitch hole  I guess. (anyhoo thats obviously not happening right now, just daydreaming haha!)

Tomorrow is my taster day for St Davids college and I feel shit about it. I'm going to wake up extra early, wash my hair get ready and go. After we're going to cinema with Jo I think. 

Last Thursday me, Pippa Ashleigh and Josey went to Bogiez night club and saw this metal gig, that was okay, their screaming was a bit crap. The place was empty anyway, but we got very wasted and it didn't really seem important at the time. I remember Pippa falling down over her goth boots and pulling me down with her which was funny. Also I remember, and have evidence, of texting this guy I like, saying we should hang out, but fuck this he's not putting any effort into it, I'm not going to beg a guy to come for a walk you know?
Then on Friday I baked a cake for Josie :3

On Saturtday I went over her house extra early and we decorated for her party and got ready. It was the greatest birthday party I remember in a long time, we got a little tipsy, smashed a pinata, there was really good music and people and the atmosphere was great.  That night I crashed at Pippa's house which was an hour walk from Jo's house (we walked at 12, wasn't fun I assure you. I kept falling over ) . Slept on the floor. Woke up early on Sunday morning and went home because I had work later at 11. 

Sunday evening Batoul came down! We went to Shisha with a couple people and me and Bats crushed down Jo's house where I again slept on the floor -_- Next morning (this is Monday now) we had a morning in, we watched films and had food and that is all we did. She stayed down mine on Monday, but because she was ill, she fell asleep on my bed, bless her. Today, Tuesday, we went over Cait's house to have a little get together and so much drama formed! I'm not even going to say anything, because we'll it's not for public eye. Me and Josie spend 5 hours in town. We went to Starbucks, and talked for about an hour and then we walked and talked and I comforted her a little. Got home around 8, watched TV and now I'm going to bed,gotta wake up early tomorrow.

I can't be bothered writing any more. This has taken me 15 minutes! I'm really sleepy, but writing on here for a bit calmed me down and made me feel happier. There's photos from Josephine's  birthday which is obviously Wild West theme dress up! The first one is me and her (:

27.05.2011

i woke up at 7 because of a huge wasp in my room. i don't think it was a wasp tho because it was way way bigger. i ran out and woke up my parents and when my mum checked my room, it was gone, soooo strange.
i went to sleep and woke up at 12 and I'm still tired.
Well basically today i've been hanging in by bedroom, doing maths work and playing guitar and editing the stuff that I've written and trying to make a song, haha. righhty. well its alright but the lyrics are really weird, giggle. they're about creepy horses in my room and other silly things like, well I'll quote ''ripping off my skin'' and ''dark, dark, dark, dark, here comes my darling''


HA all house to myself. But to be honest i plan on studying maths the whole day, because in 3 hours i only did 3 topics out of the 12 I planned on doing today.
Anyways. You know i hate that half and hour in bed, every night before I fall asleep. Its the half an hour when i am being honest to myself and when the truth, that i may have not seen through the day, reveals. And i hate it because it makes me cry. Well sometimes it does. Like Wednesday, on the day of presentation evening. I kinda wanted to cry right before the presentation evening too but i put on a brave face because i didn't want to make my mum sad. yaa that's life. But u know what makes those evening better? The fact that I can write a draft on my phone and when I'm writing i stop crying, so that's good.
Shitty my battery is dead and i cant turn on my phone. i really need to...
Batoul is moving to Splott TODAY!! :O shockedface
And... She's moving to London after exams. That is saddest thing ever...

hah today

Today has been weirdly lovely.
At Lunch I went and sat by river on my own listening to 'Best Coast' and 'Eyes set to kill' and i wrote some lyric's/poems in my maths book. It was raining and I was smoking and it was bloody freezing. My hands felt cold and I couldn't move my pen anymore. Then I came back to school and met Jo and Batoul in the library and so we decided to go lie in the school field instead of going to our stupid welsh lesson. I'm kind of lazy to write but well we ended up sitting in the rain on a bench wet to the skin. That is when we decided to go back inside and that is when a teacher found us and made us all go back to lesson. It was very embarrassing but well what can i say. Batoul has bad influence on me although I was the one that suggested to go to the field. I'm very VERY surprised they agreed because it was raining and cold, and it's very rebellious.
I am now sitting in my non-Welsh lesson and I have English next. YAY me.

dear shit

This is how I've been last couple of weeks. pictures are way too positive for the two weeks i lived through. never mind. I'm over it. I so much happier now, I'm listening to the 'Best Coast' i randomly found them on the youtube. they are yummy, lifts my mood up like UP THERE. 

I have to start carrying paracetamol with me everywhere, because today i almost died of headache. jeez. I hate school please time go faster i want to get it over and done with. I'm so awkward. Why why why. 

I have pictures with me and batoul but she didn't want them posted sadly, because she looked beautiful in them. 

Painful but beautiful

Atnacu majas, fiziski slikti, gribas vemt, nezinu kapec... Man vajag izpildit majasdarbus, fiziku es daleji pabiedzu vel tikai anglu valoda un matematika palika. Baigi gribas gulet, tapec laikam tulit iesu pagulet, tad pabeigsu macities, un mazliet paspelesu gitaru, man ir jaiemacas dziesma: Many Of Horror- Biff Clyro. Loti vienkarsi tikai man mazliet jauztrenne roka 'Bm' akordam. Sodien gandriz pabeidzu  kursadarbu fizikaa, un pec skolas gaju uz zinatnes klubu lai pabeigtu savu projektu: 'Should Cannabis be legalised?' Tikai man aizgaja divas ar pus stundas..
No rita baigi bija es aizutiju Armanam iszinu lai vins nak uz pieturu un tad vins neatnaca, un tad vins atsutija iszinu ka jau nak, un es izskapu pie Tesco lai iekaptu nakamaja autobusa kura vins teica ka bus, un tad es iekapu 44 un vina nebija. Tad man atkal nacas kapt ara nakamaja pietura, un es beidzot vinu satiku 45, no rita iznak ar 3 autobusiem braucu. Mes braucam lidz centram un tad skrejam pari ielai un kapam 27 lai tiktu lidz skolai. Patiesiba tik atri iznaca, mes nokavejam skolu tikai 15 min.
School was fun, mes ar Batoul'u gajam no fizikas uz kautkurieni pusdienslaika un tad mes gajam garam klasei uz kuru iet visi kas kave skolu uz 20 min, un mus ieraudzija un lika palikt tur. Tad mes gribejam ielavities Mrs. Gaskell'es (taa briesmigaa, druasmiga, bailiga skolas parvedeja) lai es varetu nociept manu jaku kuru vina man atnema piektdien. Kamer Batoula dezureja koridorii, es rebelis ieskreju un jaku dabuju. Velak skolas kafiterija es ieraudziju vinu dezurejam un pajautaju vai es varesu dabut atpakal savu jaku, just in case un vina bija briesmigi jauka un teica lai es ienaku pec 10 minutem pie vinas pec tas jakas. Un tad man neatlika nekas cits kaa likt Batoul nakt ar mani lidz vinas offisam un nolikt vinu atpakal. 
mmm. aa, es sodien ieraudziju savu skulpturu!!! Manai balerinai krutis ir iespiestas uz ieksu un veders ari ta riktigi! Skolotaja teica ka izgriezis caurumu aizmugure kartonam un tad izbidis no iekspuses iesistas dalas. Es laikam rit panemsu majas visus A2 makslas darbus un pabeigsu, jo i have to hurry up.
Pec skolas bija ta bish tumss un lietains un vejains, un bija tik forsi iet lidz Newport Roadam ar kajam, es riktigi izbaudiju. Man bija galigi vienalga ka man noteikti notecejusas acis, bija loti jauki, especially with music in my ears.
cau.

you smell like clementines

Cau! 

Es atnacu no skolas kadu stundu atpakal, un izdomaju ka sodien es neiesu uzreiz macities, bet pasedesu pie pc mazliet.

Tagad edu mandarinus un jutos laimiga, lai cik tas stulbui neizklausitos. Man mandarini atgadina kautko siltu, milu un patikamu. Varbut man vienkarsi atgadina ziemassvetkus, mazliet.

Sodien bija laba diena, tiesam laba. Teatris gaaja forsi, vismaz esam pabeigusi lielako dalu.

Es aizvakar biju TopShopaa, ar Rosie and Batoul, es dievinu 4to bildi. :]

Bildes zemak:

x

Patikamu dienu!

from friday with louise,

niiice, : D from batoul's youtube videos.

while learning french,

gatavojot Luizei eest,

Gaidot kad uzsildisies riisi,

Pec tam kad biju parvilkusi uniformu es jutos atvieglota, ;D

Kas apeeda kuuku?! :

sula, specia K, un paplates mala.

lecot uz manas gultas xD

sula + saals
photographer by Louise Lawrence,

Louise on my trompolino.

creepy picture. ;D

Mes gatavojam est, : )

sveiki,

sodien nebija visai laba diena, es pa nezinu kapeec. mjaa. ritdien bus piekdien, es nevaru sagaidit,

sestdien es taisos gulet lidz pecpusdienai, pastradat un izmacities uz visu turpmako nedelu,
citaadi visaadi man ir jaizmazgaa bikses. XD

bucas,
wildhead.x

autopsy

cau,
mm, es te isumaa :D
man skola sak patikt vairak un vairak ar katru dienu + neviens vel nav pieversis uzmaniibu tam ka es jau tris nedelas nesaju apspiletas melnas dzinsas bet tas manuprat ir del maniem maties, mazliet par spilgtu iznaaca, bet vizsmaz ir labums.
jaam, es nedabuju isti savu sapnu matu griezumu, mazliet pa garu atstaja pie sakneem, bet njaaam nezeelosos, matu krasa katru ritu man griezas aciis, jo kad es piecelos sedus, vienmer sanak skatities spogulii, un laikam es tagad parliksu spilvenu otraa pusee.

vakar bija pirmaa diena stradajot brivpraatigi ziedojumu veikalinaa, (humpalaas neskaistak izskaoties) un bija diezgan normali. es gandriz neko nedaru tikai dzeru teju un pieskatu ali neviens nenaak 'staff room' lai gan viens onkulis ienaaca un skatijas apkaart un runaaja par kautkadam aciis, ka vins vinas vissur redzot, man bija mazliet bail, bet tad atnaaca menedzere barbara, (nav ka izklausas vins ir forsa, 20 gadiga rudmate ar kuru ir loti interesanti runaat, kurai ir 2 kaki un kura nevar tikt londonas modes uneversitaatee un kuraa vina piesakaas katru gadu,)
sodien es stiksos ar Luizi un varbut ar Ellu, un mes iesim uz siera festivaalu, mjaa,
]
AAAA pazinojums tiem kas brauks vasaraa pie manis ciemos (Denija un Tereeze) mes brauksim uz festivaalu! uz 2 dienam man liekas bija, Dzeikobs mani uzaicinaaja un es teicu ka meitenes no Lv brauks ar mani tada gadijumaa. Un vel paris meitenes no sejienes. Vinas ir loti pacilaatas par iepazisanos ar jums ;D

nu taa, es eju huuverot maaju, jo man pec stundas araa, es sodien visa melnaa,
rundmate (nee uguniigaa sarkanmate drizaak)
xx

A hug for

Ohh, I feel like hugging someone, ^.^

A hug for Louise, Batoul, Tereze, Denija, and everyone else!!!
xxxx : )

pulled apart by horses

taa, tulit bus pulkstens 12, un mm, kamer bralis neatnaks es nekur nevaaru iet. man 14.15 ir frizieris. Man bija sarunas satikties ar Batt***, pie makdonalda 14.3o, tapec es vinai pazvaniju un teici ka es busu pie friziera, un vina teica ka atnaksot un pagaidisot kamer mani .. mm, kamer man nogriezis matus, pec tam mes aiziesim uz superdrug vai boots un nopirksim man matu krasu.,, un pec am mes satiksimies ar Rozie, un Josie un es neznu kas tad, Mjaa, es vinas abas ta isti nezinu, es skola tikai ar J runaju, ar R man isti nekad nav par ko runat. Es vienreiz satiku vinas mammu uz ielas (es nezinaju ka ta ir vinas mamma) un vin teica ka man ir cooliigi mati, es teci paldies. Vina neizkatijas pec mammas, un es nekad nebutu iedomajusies ka vina ir R mamma. Vinai kajas bija lieli, melni platformas zabaki, mati visi bija sapiti tados ka dredu bizees, or smthn, un uz rokas vinai bija daudz tetomvejumi, un pirsins luupa, un LIELS smaids, Vian vienmer smaida kad es vinu redzu. Atgadinu es vel tad nezinaju ka vina ir R mamma, bet tad mes vienreiz ar Luizi gajam kopaa majas, un vinas abas sasveicinajas, un tad es prasiju kas ta tada ir un vina teica, ' Ohh, she's Rozies mum,' un es biju gar zemi. R pati tada diezgan gotiska izskatas, kalsna, baala ar meniem matiem, un melnaam acim, nu paskatieties man faceboksaa ja kadam no maniem lasitajiem ir.
Josie ir loti skaista, un visa vienos vasaras raibumos, nu kaa, kaajas, rokas, seja. man tas liekas loti skaisti, bet vina vienmer gandriz appudere seju taa ka nevar redzet vasarasraibumus. Vina mak loti skaisti taisit matus, un vienmer gandriz ka no zurnala iznakusi.
Nu jebkuraa gadijumaa mes pie B paliekam pa nakti, un jaa, gan jau atkal iesim nakts pastaigas pa plavaam citu cilveku privatipasumos,

aah gari gan
rudmate.x